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The recap featuring that SLAP from Ann to Joan, which was most notable for the mismatched over-enthusiastic sound effect (like seeing someone knock on a door, with the sound of a sledgehammer dubbed on).
Ann had decided on the next two inmates to be subjected to the rough stripey settees, beige walls and spectacular views looking straight out to the toilet in the punishment cell. "Why am I putting McPherson and Brumby in the reward cell?" Ann said to Meg. To lock them away in there until the series ended, I hoped. But sadly this did not prevent some cringe-making forced comedy about them not knowing how to cook.
Kath had overpowered the blind man (whose age was revealed as "36" for those who like that kind of information) and ran off into the woods, leaving the blind man's brother to catch her again. (Loved the comedy binoculars shot, clearly filmed through a piece of black card with a figure of 8 cut out.) She ran through the woods, closely followed by a shaky camera, making me wonder if this might have been part of the inspiration for the Blair Witch Project. Despite squinting through his cardboard cut-out, the brother eventually caught her and took her back. (The plan had been for the blind one to kill her, and I suppose it'd be no surprise if he was a deranged murdered, having been forced to live alone in the middle of nowhere, with only a phone book and a stray packet of Ryvita to keep him going.) Again she got the upper hand, and shot the other brother. She shouted at the surviving one, "You gotta get up!" which was a bit weird, because at the time the camera was showing a close-up of her face with her mouth firmly closed. Turns out it was just bad editing, bringing the sound from the next scene in too early, and not a fantastic ventriloquist act as I'd first thought.
Lisa had been returned to Wentworth after a more than usually cheap (i.e. not shown) set-up, and was brought in wearing a big brown sack that still seemed to have the potatoes in it. Ann told her about the new reforms - "I'm sure the other women will fill you in," she said, though it actually looked like somebody already had done that about 9 months ago. The policewoman who brought her in had asked, "Ok if I wash my hands..? We had a little accident.." Hopefully not her waters breaking yet. By the time Lisa was with the other women, it seemed the costume people had given up even trying to hide her heavy pregnancy, as she waddled around with an impressive blouse overhang.
Marty had gone to visit Merle in Ingleside, and the discovery of her sitting on the floor, drugged up, was heartbreaking. "Take me home.. I won't do it again.." A remarkable performance by the actress. In came Graham Marshall, her rather tasty nurse, who thankfully took my mind off the horrible image of Merle asleep with her nose nestling in Marty's frizzy chest hair.
Tom Lucas the new teacher had arrived, and instantly got on my nerves. I couldn't fathom out his accent, which seemed somewhere between New York, Irish and Australian. Even more unfathomable was the women's reaction to him. "Spunky" is certainly not the way I'd have described the short, scruffy, smug, middle-aged man in his ensemble of beige, brown and checks.
Kath had her new disguise, including an oversized Judy Jetson wig, which just made me want to laugh every time I saw it. She was trying to get into Ingleside to see Merle, presumably to rescue her from inhaling too many of Marty's hairs. "This is the high security section!" claimed the slightly unconvincing security guard. She had been posing as Meg Morris, and trying to get in with no official ID whatsoever. Despite the very obvious fake wig, and clutching a clipboard as if she was going to conduct a marketing survey in the high street rather than a prison welfare visit, he let her in. Er, it seems she would have to go all the way back to her office to get the ID otherwise, and besides he could phone and check, so naturally this was proof enough. He did phone of course.. after she'd disappeared off into the high security building. Blimey, these high security establishments are so trusting.
Her visit to Merle was not well received, and provided some excellent acting from both actresses, who even managed to retain some credibility despite the inappropriate plinky-plonky music and hilarious ginger mop-head.
Finally the doctor/solicitor/whatever came to tell Ann the results of Rita's tests. Ann looked shocked when he revealed that Rita was in the advanced stages of the most deadly form of cancer known to soap opera. "What are her chances?" asked Ann, nervously. "Damned all," he replied, rather unprofessionally and not particularly delicately.
Oh dear.
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